When you say YES to others, make sure you are not saying NO to you – Paulo Coehlo
(Last week I wrote “Saying Yes” Part 1: Awakening. Feel free to go back and read that one if you missed it.)
Once upon a time, I was the YES girl to most everything! Then one day I awoke to feeling exhausted and claustrophobic within my own be-ing. It was hard to breathe, think, and my body was tense everywhere. The day I awoke to this sticky funk began the deep work. I call it “The Process”. I created this space or lack of space, so no more pointing the finger or blaming others for the negative mess that I was in. It was then that I began some of my most favorite work while building the best relationship between my inner and outer landscape. It was and still is awesome! I believe we are all master pieces, uniquely created, and everyday are changing with our experiences and reactions within life, hence it is “The Process”.
How to even begin the process of changing this pattern? It is a pattern ya’ll! It didn’t happen overnight feeling completely out of tune to my own needs, the necessities to create balance in life. There is only so much one can keep giving outwardly before exploding towards everything around us and imploding and not recognizing the one within both physically and mentally hurting. Our patterns come from our reactions and responses within our outer and inner landscape. These landscapes should be observed, reflected upon, space provided for forgiveness, and freedom to let go – what does this mean?
The OUTER landscape is always easier to identify with the outer landscape. We can see it, hear it, touch it, and “it” isn’t really about us but our relationship or perception of us within our world or situations.
Do you see yourself as a participant, a victim, a witness, a leader, a passenger, a nurturer, a protector, a listener?
There is no wrong answer but it is a starting point in understanding how you discern who you are at this time. And depending on the circumstance, the role may switch. Take a look around and understand that you have a choice to how you perceive yourself within this landscape. Be kind to yourself too! In some scenarios, we may be proud and at other times humble – it is OK. Identifying where you are, is the starting point to understand and begin to “Say Yes” to making space to evolve, grow, and experience this world through feeling it.
BAM – Segway into the inner landscape is FEELING!
The INNER landscape is SO complicated and powerful. To begin say it
“I am moving inward!”
Balls to the walls ladies, say it like you mean it! It is about feeling your responses while being a participant in the world.
Next, a really easy question – are you a “I’m fine” individual? Do you respond to most everyone “I’m fine”, when you clearly are not?
The F.I.N.E acronym is Freaking out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.
I was that girl for years! Saying YES to you means taking a moment to check in; are you really FINE or are you calm, excited, content, and happy. Just for a few examples;) Yep – I want you to identify the feeling. From that point, you can better navigate how to respond in life. Allowing yourself time to really experience the reactions and/or responses in life is key. And be OK to saying “yes”, “maybe”, or “no” to what is being asked of you which in turn is “Saying Yes” to you!
The Process is about understanding how we see ourselves within the world (outer landscape) and getting better acquainted to our own inward relationship (inner landscape). Now begin to give yourself permission to go outside more, journal, get physically moving, and try doing it alone. It is necessary time spent to connect to some deeper feelings and don’t obstruct what comes up. You may experience tears, laughter, grief, sighs – you name it, it will be felt. Remember you will observe, reflect, forgive, and let go because it is a process. Also, don’t always expect to know where the feeling is coming from. No more analyzing, just let the feelings arise and move through you. This is not a drive thru experience ladies – buckle up for a fantastic ride!
Speaking of rides, here’s a short glimpse of my personal process.
Not just once but many times, I will find myself alone in the car, no radio on, phone turned off, and just driving. Now imagine, you are at a light and I pull up alongside you, you glance over to see a 40 something woman balling her eyes out – yeah, that would be me! However on another day, I would be the individual you hear loud and clear singing (or chanting in my case) because in that moment, I owned the stage. It was and still is necessary messy work.
So I welcome you to begin “The Process” exploring what it is like to observe, reflect, forgive and let go.
Just maybe you will find moving through life as the driver of your own vehicle a bit more liberating and a whole lot of pretty freaking amazing!
Cheers to Saying Yes to feeling, participating, and creating a greater relationship with your inner and outer landscape!